Delicious Torment: Devastating Secrets about the Male Orgasm
OK, now that we’ve covered “in detail” how to get the pleasure YOU want we need to spend some time talking about a guy’s orgasm . . .
How to give him a TOE-CURLING PLEASURE EXPLOSION so crazy big he thinks he’s hit some secret bliss lair…with YOU as the mistress of the desire dungeon. RAWR!
In this lesson, you are going to learn:
- The specifics of his genitalia and his secret “hot buttons”
- What an orgasm REALLY feels like for a guy
- How to give him the BEST BLOWJOBS that will blow his mind
- Why E.D. (erectile dysfunction) isn’t the end of the world for your sex life
Let me start by saying this: The male orgasm gets somewhat taken for granted.
A guy can masturbate and generally achieve release pretty dang easily. Certainly a lot more easily than a lot of women can.
Part of this has to simply do with anatomy – his penis is a fairly straightforward object to please.
A lot of it has to do with our male sexuality is viewed in our culture. Men are presumed to have high sex drives and are even encouraged to express themselves sexually – they don’t have the same kind of pressures women face about propriety vs. promiscuity.
Also, men don’t feel shame about desiring sex and male masturbation is a widely accepted as a common, um, “hobby”.
But just because pleasing a man SEEMS straightforward, there are little nuances you will learn that make a difference between HO-HUM orgasm and HALLELUJAH I see angels orgasms!
Penis 101
We spend a lot of time talking about the penis because it’s, well, so visible (dare I say, in our face? haha) but there are some other important parts of his genitalia that deserve our attention and understanding.
The Glans is the head or “helmet” of the penis. It’s the most sensitive part of a man’s cock by far and is basically just a giant, overgrown version of the female clitoris. The glans of his penis actually has the same number of nerve endings as you have in your clitoris. Of course your clitoris is a lot smaller than the head of a man’s penis, which is why the clitoris is so incredibly SENSITIVE.
The Corona is the ridge at the bottom of the penis. The underside of the corona is responds extremely well to a deft finger or tongue flick.
The Shaft is the rest of the erect penis from right under the ridge of the glans all the way to his pelvic bone. The shaft generally isn’t as sensitive as the glans and corona, though the underside of the shaft responds to a light touch or gentle teasing with a fingernail.
You can also stroke JUST the shaft to tease your guy or to let off the gas pedal if you think he’s getting too close to orgasm too soon.
The Foreskin is the loose “raincoat” that covers and protects the sensitive glans on an uncircumcised penis. A circumcised penis has no foreskin (or very little).
The Frenulum is the little strip of soft and sensitive skin that connects the glans to the foreskin. For most men the frenulum is VERY sensitive and responds wonderfully to light touch.
The only other parts of the penis we really have to talk about here are the parts you can’t see.
The prostate gland is responsible for producing the main components of semen outside of the actual sperm. It is located at the base of the urethra, connected to the ejaculation ducts. Massaging the prostate is quite pleasurable for him. To stimulate it, you will need to pay attention to the area between his scrotum and anus, the perineum. I give you specifics on stimulating the prostate in the Stroke of Genius guide.
The penis is an “attached” organ but it actually continues inside the body.
The point underneath the penis (basically where it enters the body) is called the “bulb” . . . It’s basically the whole area from the penis to his anus.
What does an orgasm feel like to him?
There are a few distinct differences in what orgasms feel like between the sexes.
Women’s orgasm can actually last long than men’s. Like arriving in waves and then subsiding whereas his culminates in a rapid burst of energy that lasts a few seconds.
Also, men have a refractory period after orgasm meaning their penis needs time before it can get another erection. So, unlike women, achieving multiple orgasms can be impossible for some (although I’ve heard that some men can do this). The refractory period can last anywhere from minutes to even days for some men.
But I had to ask my Man Panel to weigh in once again and give us the low-down on what orgasm feels like, here is what they had to say:
“It feels like a dam about to explode. Sometimes I fight the buildup, because I want to last longer, and when I finally can’t control it, I have to let it just go. It like a really intense bolt of energy that’s shooting from deep within and after, I’m physically (and literally) drained.”
“It’s like a slow-building rollercoaster that takes a very sharp incline almost straight up before you rocket straight back down. And you get this amazing feeling in your stomach right before you climax and then for the next 10-15 seconds the floor drops out and you are drifting in bliss. Then you come back to reality.”
“I experience an almost indescribable mental state right at the moment of climax. Like I can understand all the secrets of the universe but only for that split second, then it’s gone.”
“I sort of feel like it’s almost like a full body seizure of sorts. It starts as pressure, sometimes tingling, in my balls and lower abdomen but when I finally release, it feels like every muscle in my body kind of contracts and spasms. It’s intense.”
Felicity’s Guide to Amazing BJ’s
In the Language of Desire, I devoted an entire lesson on how to give him a crazy intense blow job. And here in Sensual Tsunami, I want to give you the lowdown on some specific techniques to try.
You can go back and read that lesson (in Module Six, Oral Intensifier) but here is a brief primer on setting the foundation for a MIND-BLOWING blowjob…
1. Ask what he likes. Every penis is slightly different so asking your man what he enjoys is the number one thing you need to do. Speed, position, and area of focus on are critical to know in order to do a custom-made job for him.
2. Wetter is better. Flavored lubricant or lots of saliva is key. A dry mouth on a dry penis can be painful. Make sure you’re well-hydrated to be in top saliva-producing mode.
3. Practice. If you haven’t been giving many BJ’s lately, your jaw will likely cramp up and it hurts like a mo-fo. A lot of women don’t like oral simply because it can be uncomfortable. Like any skill, the more your practice the easier it becomes!
You can practice by giving shorter oral sessions with him (like as a pre-cursor to vaginal sex) and you can also practice alone with a banana (keep the peel on because a banana can break in two while stuff in your mouth). Getting used to breathing through your nose, relaxing your throat muscles to calm your gag reflex, and keeping your jaw open make a big difference in your comfort level while giving head.
4. Not just the tip. The tip of the penis is the most sensitive part on his body. Too much tongue action too soon may not feel good for him. Think of how you enjoy oral sex. Most women like his tongue attention to start with slow and soft. And then vary between direct pressure on the clitoris and licking/sucking on the inner and outer labia. Gradually building up to more intense and focused pressure on the clit. If he just went to town sucking or pressing hard on it right off the bat, you’d probably yelp in pain.
So think of how you enjoy oral and apply the same logic to his penis. The length of the shaft, the base, balls, and perineum are all places to utilize and focus on while giving him oral pleasure. Start slowly and gently. Vary where and how your are placing your mouth and tongue on him and build up speed and pressure as you go.
5. Be enthusiastic. This is probably the number one tip on giving great oral. He LOVES it when you act like you genuinely want to give him pleasure. If he has to beg or you seem like you dread it, it massively diminishes his enjoyment.
Now, let’s talk technique
Floppy Cucumber
If you are starting out with a flaccid member, it’s actually really easy to get your entire mouth around it. Gently suck just using your mouth at this point. Pushing your lips out (like an imitation of a “duck face”) feels really good to him as the underside of your lips are directly on his skin. Be careful to not suck too hard – aim for something close to a gentle tug. And keep your teeth off of his delicate skin. You can also roll him around a bit with your tongue and pretty quickly, you should feel his erection beginning to grow.
Hand Placement
Once his penis is erect, you might not be able to get as much of him in your mouth. Especially if he’s well-endowed or girthy. That’s ok! Your hand will play an important part here.
Wrap your palm around his base. If he’s the kind that shoots off some pre-emptive squirts, and you are the type who doesn’t enjoy that, you can grab him firmly at the base. You’ll feel a big vein on the underside of his shaft. You can put pressure on that while giving him head if you’d like, just make sure it’s comfortable for him.
As your mouth moves up and down, you can slide your hand right along with it. This kind of creates an extended “mouth” which is helpful to keep the sensations going for him without giving you a giant jaw cramp while trying to go down super far. Use this as kind of your “home base” motion. This is the main action and then you can move to different techniques and then return to this.
Chances are this basic up/down with your hand extension helping will be the technique you use as he climaxes. When he’s getting close, a specific pace and consistent sensation is what will send him over the edge.
The Lollipop
Once he’s nice and firmly erect, switch it up by just using your tongue. Imagine you are licking a giant lollipop and run your tongue up and down the length of him and then swirl it all around the top. Pay special attention to his frenulum applying specific pressure right there each time you swirl around the head. This technique isn’t what will bring him to orgasm, it’s just to give him a new sensation.
The Harmonica
This technique has you curling your mouth around your teeth and running it sideways up and down his shaft. You can hum a little bit which vibrates your lips on his skin. You can also vary this by adding your tongue on some strokes and then going back to just your lips.
Flicker Tease
Let your tongue go crazy with this one! You can do this with a closed mouth around his penis and then alternate by just using your tongue. Basically, you will move your tongue in short little flicks as you move up and down on him. If the head of his penis is extra-sensitive, do this mainly on the shaft. Keep your tongue kind of wide and flat while he’s in your mouth and then switch it to a harder or pointier tongue. You can also vary the amount of suction while you are doing this. Think of how it feels when he flicks his tongue on your clit and do the same motion to him.
Palm Tornado
As you have him in your mouth and you are moving your hand up and down at the same time, rotate it around his shaft. Use a lot of saliva or lube and be careful to not actually twist his skin. You are just moving your palm side to side around him.
You can combine this with the Flicker Tease for extra pleasure!
Deep Throat
While deep-throating feels amazing for him, not every woman can do it.
Some of us just have too strong of a gag reflex. Or his penis might just be too big. Or you may have a cold or allergies making filling your mouth and throat up with his cucumber impossible because breathing through your nose is a no-go.
If you want to try to deep throat, do these steps:
- Relax your throat as much as possible
- Breath through your nose
- Take him into your mouth as far as you can
- Push your tongue forward (to make more room in your throat)
- Slowly ease him back toward your throat
If you start to gag, don’t be embarrassed. The more often you do it, the easier it gets. And if you realize deep-throating just isn’t your bag of tricks, your other OUTSTANDING bj techniques will totally keep him MORE than satisfied!
Putting it all together…
The actual blow job is going to be a combination of different sensations for him, always returning to the main up/down mouth/hand motion.
It might go…
Floppy > Basic > Lollipop > Basic > Harmonica > Slllloooowwww Lollipop > Basic > Flicker Tease > Basic
As you are varying the different techniques, also vary the pace, too. Fast and then slow it down – this can help extend his erection. When you sense he’s getting close to climax, or let’s face it, your jaw muscles are in pain, return to the up/down mouth/hand motion and keep a consistent pace and pressure.
Let him guide you, he might put his hands on your head to show you the pace he wants.
Generally, faster is better but again, every guy is different. You don’t have to worry about suction when he’s close to orgasm either. It’s much more about pace, consistent sensation, along with wet warmth that will bring him to climax.
Don’t Forget the Family Jewels!
Touching balls, letting alone putting them in your mouth, might make you say “ewwww!” at first. But paying attention to this often-overlooked area is what classifies you as a blow job master.
You can put your free hand around his balls during the blow job. You can also take a moment to gently suck on them. If you can’t get both in your mouth at the same time, one at a time is perfectly fine. Take care to be gentle and NO BITING.
One thing that drives some guys wild is the sensation of you tugging on his scrotum, especially right before climax. Start slowly and increase the strength at which you tug by using his moans or breathing as a guide. If it hurts or it’s too much he will let you know.
Gulp it…or Spit it…or…
If the idea of swallowing kind of grosses you out, you aren’t alone. However, it is a really big deal to a lot of guys. It’s like the ultimate way of showing you accept him when you allow him to give you his “essence” by cumming in your mouth and seeing you gulp it down.
I will tell you, I’ve got a bit of a gag reflex. When I know he’s close, I have to mentally prepare myself in order to not gag. I know that I will feel a warm rush of fluid, it can kind of catch you by surprise at first, and I just remember to breathe through my nose and swallow it down in a big gulp.
If swallowing simply isn’t your thing, it’s important to communicate that ahead of time (or during, especially if you notice an overactive gag reflex happening that day). He can cum in your mouth and you can hold it and then spit it out. But that may feel to him like you don’t like it. A sexier option is to let him cum on your breasts, your chest, your tummy.
You can also let him release onto your face or hair. This is called the “money shot” in porn lingo. And to some women, it does feel a bit degrading. You don’t have to do that if you aren’t cool with it. You can also have a towel at the ready to wipe it off quickly…or just hop in the shower after, too.
Erectile Dysfunction: Why it’s an opportunity
For pretty much every man, there will come a time where his little solder refuses to cooperate. An erection may be difficult to maintain, it may fire off prematurely, or it simply might not happen at all. And when this occurs, it can be awkward if not downright humiliating for both partners.
The reasons for ED are all over the board. There might be a medical reason (like a chronic illness). Certain medications can interfere with the ability to achieve or maintain erection. The reason could be psychological (stress can wreak havoc on him).
It could also be the result of imbibing too many recreational substances (there is a reason for the term Whiskey Dick). However the one reason I can almost GUARANTEE that isn’t on this list? Is his level of attraction to and desire for you.
This is where a lot of women get it wrong. We’ve been sort of conditioned to think that a man’s erection is the automatic response and reflection of his sexual attraction to us. And a lot of women incorrectly presume that no boner = no attraction.
And in most cases, that actually couldn’t be further from the truth!
I want you to imagine for a second what that must feel like to be a man. Actually, wait, first let’s talk about us. Because sex for us? It can generally “work” even if our systems aren’t cooperating fully. We can still have intercourse whether we are super horny or not.
And if for some reason our lady bits don’t get all lubed up from our own juices, we have options. And, hello, we all know our level of wetness isn’t a reflection of our attraction level to our partners. Medicine and hormones and all sorts of things can interfere with our self-lubrication function. And if we are as dry as the Sahara, we can whip out a tube of lube and be ready to rock.
But back to thinking about what intercourse is for a man. His penis needs to respond with an erection in order for intercourse to take place.
That’s a lot of pressure, right?
And imagine if, for reasons completely beyond your control, an erection just wasn’t happening. AND remember just how much importance most men place on their penis, how closely it’s tied to their identity as men. So think for a moment about how much erectile dysfunction can affect a man’s psyche, ego, and mood.
The absolute WORST thing you could do when faced with this situation is to blame him or accuse him of not being attracted to you. Because believe me, he wants nothing more than to be able to penetrate you with a rock hard erect penis right that very second.
Except he can’t.
So a moment with an uncooperative penis is really an opportunity to show your man how much you love and accept him and DESIRE him no matter how temperamental his little soldier may be.
And, as you learned in Language of Desire, there are a multitude of ways you can still enjoy sexual pleasure and satisfaction with our without an erection. Revisit the lessons in Module Nine to rev up your creativity.
Other things to consider and try:
1. See if the “little blue (or yellow) pill” is an option. Many insurance companies cover erectile dysfunction medication. Giving him back the control of achieving erection when he wants is a beautiful thing. However, it’s important to read up on the effects (and side-effects) of some of these medications so you know what to expect. Erections may last longer so you should plan on having a lengthier time frame for intercourse and also be stocked up on lube. A long session of thrusting can take a toll on your delicate flower!
2. Take time to give him a long sensual massage. Or enjoy a candle-lit bath together. Or use a technique like the Invisible Chastity Belt where he gets to explore every inch of your body and focus on solely pleasuring you.
3. Communicate your love for and attraction to him, reminisce about other sexual escapades you shared together, and basically let him know that while you love having intercourse with him, that his penis isn’t the sole focus of your sexual satisfaction.
His relief knowing he hasn’t disappointed you will be tremendous. And the knowledge that you still find him desirable and sexy makes him feel very accepted and loved. Which ultimately, serves to strengthen your emotional connection and love for one another.
