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The Blissful Rapture of Your Female Orgasm

Ahh, the womanly orgasm. The “little death” that makes every cell in your body moan, whimper and sigh with delicious, overwhelming release.

Depending on who you ask, how you were raised or how skilled the men you’ve been with were (or weren’t), you might think there’s only one type of orgasm you can have . . .

But you’d be so very, very wrong . . .

But first . . .
Let’s take a second to talk about YOUR experience with orgasms . . . 

You might be one of those women who think she’s never even had an orgasm . .  . (we’re going to change that right now).

Or you might be one of those women who can make herself have a truly ming-boggling orgasm just by closing your eyes, rubbing your thighs together and thinking about it . . . (you lucky, lucky girl!).

For a WHOLE LOT of women consistently having an orgasm can feel a little like hitching a ride on Haley’s comet . . . doesn’t happen too often and everything has to line up JUST perfectly.

 

So, WHY is it so hard for so many women to CLIMAX?

Personally I think there’s a few simple reasons . . .

1. Mental obstacles around sex and expressing our sexuality that have built up in our subconscious minds for DECADES  . . .
2. Daily STRESS making it absolutely impossible to relax. (Admit it: You’ve been in bed with your man before, had him trying every trick in the book and pushing every button he knows and no matter how hard you try you just can’t stop thinking about the damned LAUNDRY you have to do.)
3. Not knowing the ORGASMIC POTENTIAL of your body . . .

Fact is, a woman’s body is a orgasmic sports car compared to the body of a man . . .

Now it’s time to take that sports car out of the garage and see just how fast and far it can go . . .

If you’re having MENTAL trouble achieving orgasm then go back to “Language Of Desire” and dive deep into the “Madonna Moan” section of the program . . .

That module is just jam packed with exercises to help you OPEN up and RELAX enough to feel the pleasure you’re entitled too . . .

 

And now, let’s talk about the PHYSICAL side of orgasm . . .

Really quick before we get started: I happen to be one of those women who can get to, or pretty damned close to, orgasm just by having my nipples stimulated, kissing or even just using my imagination.

I’m not saying that to brag, but to make a point . . .

And that point is that EVERY woman is unique and while some women find having an orgasm as easy as falling off a log, for most women you have to use specific techniques like the ones I outline below to really have the BODY QUAKING ORGASMIC FLOOD you deserve.

 

Get to Know Your Lady Bits

I’m including a little bit of an anatomy lesson in this section: You can’t drive that sexy, sexy car if you don’t know where the gas pedal is. So I am going to give you detailed info on all sorts of wonder your body holds for you.
Use this illustration for reference in the sections below. Refer back to it as I might be telling you a few hot buttons you may not know about!

Feminine Orgasm #1: The Clitoral Orgasm

This is the orgasm that gets all the press (and that you get by pressing your love button, actually) . . .

That’s as many nerve endings as a guy has in his ENTIRE PENIS by the way . . . all packed together into something the size of a pencil eraser and ready to be “set off” with just the right push of the button. So we win 🙂

When we masturbate, generally speaking, we are massaging and stimulating the clitoris to achieve climax. A variety of pressure, sensation, and rhythm can be used to achieve orgasm. Manual, oral, vibrator or a combination of all.

The actual clitoris itself extends up into our bodies. When aroused, it becomes erect (similar to a penis). The bud engorges and flushes a deeper shade of pink/red during arousal, too.

And because of the anatomical shape of the entire clit, it can be stimulated and pleasured from massage the labia, the hood, even up toward the pubic bone.

This is important to know (and communicate to your partner) if you find that direct stimulation of your bean is just too sensitive. Orgasm can be achieved by stimulating the entire clitoris, not just the bud (more on that below).

What does a clitoral orgasm FEEL like?

Most women describe a clitoral orgasm as a little point of warmth and electricity that builds right around your clit. It grows in intensity and spreads into the lower abdomen. Eventually it all erupts into waves of a climax.

You may even feel your whole clitoris spasm. And depending on intensity, you might have a moment of a euphoric out of body experience. I know that’s happened to me! 🙂

How do you HAVE a clitoral orgasm?

Of all the types of orgasm this is generally the easiest for a woman to have.

Usually just beginning to press or rub right on the clitoris at first might not feel great. Massaging the labia first and then slowly including the clit, gently at first, is a good strategy. Lubrication is key, whether that is from saliva, lube, or from your own personal juices that join the party as you get aroused.

The big mistake most women and men make when trying to have a clitoral orgasm is stimulating JUST the bud . . . not the entire clitoris.

Because the clitoris actually extend up into our bodies, pressing and massaging alongside the bud – even up near the pubic bone, can give wonderful sensations and help bring about orgasm, too.

Of course for most women there’s one sure-fire way to have a GREAT clitoral orgasm . . . cunnilingus.

OK, I know, I know there are some women out there who for some crazy reason don’t like having a guy go down on them . . .

These women are crazy.

And there are some (OK, too many) guys who find the idea of going down on their lady to be some kind of HORRIBLE chore…similar to how a lot of you probably felt about blow jobs at one point in time.

I actually met one guy who said that oral was something he only saved for a serious relationship or marriage. He also wasn’t crazy about making out. I was all, “Are you like the Pretty Woman of cunnilingus and kissing?”

The women I’ve spoken to who aren’t into having a man “down there” generally feel embarrassed about it. They’ve mentioned feeling that it’s dirty or wrong. Or they worry about odor. Or they feel it’s just wayyyyy too up close and personal.

And it makes me soooooo sad! Look, we wouldn’t have been created with this amazing little pleasure button for nothing. And the sensation of a warm, wet, and slippery tongue gliding across the clitoris is as close to heaven on earth as I can imagine.

As far as smell or taste? Each vagina has a slightly unique flavor based on a woman’s diet (which affects the acid balance up in there). But the smell and odor of healthy STD- and yeast-free lady garden is generally pleasant to most guys.

Allowing your man to please you and give you the level of pure sexual bliss that cunnilingus gives, is a gift to him. Remember how I told you in Language of Desire how men are wired to want to please a woman? THIS is exactly what I mean, he feels AMAZING when you let him give you this much pleasure. I promise you. Actually, let my Man Panel weigh in on this topic…

“There is nothing, I repeat NOTHING, I love more than to use my mouth and tongue on my wife. To feel her twitch, to hear her moan, to sense her orgasm building until she is quaking and convulsing in ecstasy…because of ME. It’s my favorite part of having sex.”

“I know some women worry about how they taste or smell. And I certainly appreciate a clean pussy, fresh from the shower or bath, and bare or neatly trimmed. But the scent of a woman is something to be savored. That sweet musky smell is like heaven to me.”

“My wife smells and tastes like a tropical drink. Seriously, I crave her.”

“When I go down on my girlfriend and bring her to orgasm by flicking and teasing and sucking on her clit…when she comes, I feel like a fucking rock star.”

If you are nervous about cunnilingus, I implore you…I BEG YOU…to get yourself freshened up (mild soap and water is all you need – stay away from feminine hygiene cleansers as they can wreak havoc on your Ph) and trimmed up and let yourself experience one of the absolute best things about being a woman!

If you have a partner who seems uncertain about his oral prowess, there are a few things you can do.

1. Talk about it. Describe how amazing oral feels. Explain that it sends you over the edge pleasure-wise and how much you love it.
2. Give him some direction. Do you prefer a slow warm-up? Do you like a lot of saliva or lube? Do you prefer flicking or sucking? What about a simultaneous finger exploring your labia, nipples, vagina, or anus? Let him know the specifics so he can bring you to climax with ease.
3. Redirect anything that doesn’t feel great. If he’s being too rough or you want a little more pressure, you can say “I love it when you gently run your tongue in a circle” or whatever it is you want him to do. Also, encourage him with your moaning. You can also adjust the angle of his head by gently moving it and saying “Right there!”. And when he is getting you close to climax, tell him! “Don’t stop!” or the super direct “Don’t you dare fucking stop!” does the trick to get you to the fireworks

What If You Can’t Seem To Have A Clitoral Orgasm No Matter What You do?

It’s cliche but true…practice makes perfect! Particularly when it comes to THIS subject.

1. Don’t stress about it. Anxiety is an orgasm-killer. If you find yourself getting frustrated, take a deep breath and stop fretting. Move on to another pleasurable activity. Remember: orgasm isn’t the be all, end all of “sex”.
2. Go back to all of Module Two in Language of Desire. Focus on mentally getting aroused by surrounding yourself with as many sexy things and thoughts you can.
3. Get yourself a multi-speed vibrator. And play around with it. Place it here and there, maybe your hot button isn’t directly on your clit but when you lay a vibrator on the side of it, climax occurs.
4. Try a detachable shower head and play with the settings while you take a super long uninterrupted shower. Pulsating water can be magic!
5. Encourage your partner to take his time and try different sensations. Massaging, light pressing, little circles with his fingers, even gentle tugging (grabbing the sides of your bud) can all give you different levels of pleasure. Communicate what feels good!
6. Relax and just enjoy how good it feels. Don’t focus on the need to orgasm!Also, consider using a vibrator WITH your man.

Okay, some guys get totally unnecessarily threatened by a little battery-operated boyfriend, it’s true.

However, the truth is that you might be one of those women who can only orgasm with the aid of that fast little buzz humming against your clit. There is NO SHAME in that!

And it is NOT a reflection of how good of a lover your man is. AT ALL.

You can try bringing it out when you are having intercourse. Ask him if he’d like to use it on you. That is a great way to include him in it, because HE is still the one “giving” you the orgasm.

If he balks at that, gently explain how much you LOVE how he makes you feel. But that in order to climax, your body has a little quirk that it needs that buzz-factor. It’s just that simple!

And most guys, when they understand that a vibrator isn’t there to take their place, AND you encourage him to experiment with new ways to give you pleasure…they happily change their minds and enjoy it!

 

Female Orgasm #2: The G-Spot Orgasm

Ahh, the mythical G-spot, as popular and (possibly) fictional as BIG FOOT.

Actually, unlike Big Foot, the G Spot Orgasm is alive, well and worth the practice to achieve. It won’t just make you FEEL good, this kind of orgasm is good for your health and makes you look INCREDIBLY HOT when you have it.

 

What is The G Spot And Why Is It Called That?

Named after German gynecologist Ernst Grafenburg, the G-spot is a controversial and disputed area of the vagina that some scientists don’t even think exists. Partially, the dispute arises because it can’t be proven that every woman does, in fact, have a G-spot.

So I preface this section with PLEASE don’t make yourself crazy if you go on a G-spot quest and don’t ever find it.

The G-spot is purportedly located in the front wall of the vagina. It’s one to three inches inside and lines up alongside the urethra (with the para-urethral or Skene’s glands there, too). Some experts hypothesize that it may even be an extension of nerve endings from the clitoris.

What does a G-spot orgasm feel like?

A G-spot orgasm is described by many as feeling deeper and distinctly different from a clitoral orgasm.

Where a clitoral orgasm may feel like a red hot pin-point of buzzing electricity, a G-spot orgasm has a wider reach and includes a warmth and tingling in the entire vaginal region as well as the belly and lower abdomen.

The waves of contractions during climax can feel different, too. Every orgasm feels different to every woman, however, generally speaking this is how it’s differentiated in terms of sensation.

 

How do you achieve a G-spot orgasm?

You can reach the G-spot a few ways.

Manually, your partner should enter his finger palm-up. Have him feel along the front wall of your vagina, about one to three inches in. He may actually feel a distinct raised bump there.

But he may not.

Have him use his finger as if he’s motioning someone to “come over here”. That little finger wiggle is one of the most consistent techniques to massage and stimulate your G-spot.

The level of pressure should start out very light and then increase as you become more aroused. You can communicate to him what feels best.

There are also a variety of toys specifically designed to stimulate the G-spot. Generally they are curved in shape and may have vibrating features or special nubs at the end to effectively stimulate it. If you want to explore finding your G-spot on your own through self play, definitely get yourself one of these kinds of toys!

Depending on the size and shape of your partner’s penis, you can also stimulate the G-spot during intercourse.

Some of the recommended positions to try are:

• Face down, on your tummy. Like a modified doggy style, he enters you from behind while you are resting flat. You can angle your hips up for him or even wrap your legs around him if you are flexible enough.
• Legs over shoulders, facing each other. Have him use shorter strokes to keep the pressure in that zone of one to three inches.
• Doggy style without going too deep. Again, focus the thrusting and pressure in the first three inches of your vagina.

One thing to note is that G-spot stimulation may take longer than clitoral or A-spot to reach climax.

For some women, it may even take as long as 60 minutes. The first few times you explore your G-spot have some patience, the reward can definitely be worth it!

 

Female Orgasm #3: The “Squirting” Orgasm

There’s quite a bit of disagreement among experts as to whether or not women can ejaculate or “squirt” during orgasm. From my own personal experience, I can tell you that the answer is yes, it’s possible.

Now the first time I ever had this type of orgasm, I seriously thought I’d peed myself for a quick second. This was WAY more than a normal “wet spot”.

Like it looked like a bucket of water had been dumped on the bed.

Luckily, my boyfriend had experienced this before with someone else, so he knew right away what had occurred. I wasn’t convinced, and TMI, had to investigate by closely inspecting and even sniffing the sheets (gross! but hey, I did it). Because if I had peed during sex, I damn well wanted to know!

Mostly so I could move out of state, change my name, and never see him again out of pure embarrassment…

Upon my inspection and with his words of wisdom, I eventually accepted that I had, in fact, experienced a squirting orgasm. This revelation was pretty incredible and yet, my mind raced trying to remember exactly what he’d done differently this time to get me there.

The thing was, it really wasn’t because of any particular technique or position he’d done.

For me, it happened during vaginal intercourse with a good amount of G-spot stimulation by his penis. I haven’t had a squirting orgasm from manual or oral stimulation (though some women certainly have).

And it felt quite different than other types of orgasms.

It felt like it radiated from a deeper part of my body, less electric and more of a slow build.

Right before climax, there was definitely pressure building near my bladder but it wasn’t quite the same feeling of having to pee (but very similar).

I believe I was able to achieve this sexual feat simply by relaxing and tuning into my body. I trusted him and felt free to fully enjoy myself. And these squirting episodes began to happen somewhat regularly. As long as I was really relaxed, I could get there.

However, the second time I got to that state, I had such a deeply powerful orgasm that I ended up sobbing. It was so intense, both physically and emotionally. Afterward, I was reeling with exhaustion.

And for this reason, I had to learn to sort of harness this new ability of mine. Because while it was amazing, I just didn’t want that kind of experience with every single interlude. It would just be too much!

Plus, I don’t have a cute crying face. From this, I learned to vary my mental state and change up the physical details in order to guide the type of orgasm I wanted to experience. Besides, the tone of a quickie doesn’t lend itself to this kind of orgasm anyhow.

Understand that my personal experience may be quite different from yours…AND if you never ever have a squirting orgasm it does NOT mean you are doing something wrong.

I think each of our bodies are unique so what happens with one woman may not for another.

So if it’s not pee, what is the liquid and where does it come from?

When tested, the fluid expelled contains some of the same components as male semen (minus the little swimmers), specifically  prostatic acid phosphatase (PAP), prostate specific antigen (PSA).

There is a lot of contention in the science and medical community about what to call this (ejaculate? diluted, clear urine?). Part of this has to do with variations in test subjects and factors like menstrual cycle and hormone levels that affect the fluid.

While they don’t agree on what to call it, scientists have figured out that the fluid comes from para-urethral glands that are located next to the bladder. These glands are also in very close proximity to the G-Spot. A G-Spot orgasm can include squirting but it can also happen without (as discussed above).

 

What techniques are favorable to achieving a squirting orgasm?

Like I mentioned above, the most important factor is to be truly relaxed and receptive to pleasure. Focus on breathing and being 100% present to the sensations in your body. For your partner, clean hands and trimmed nails are important, his fingers are going to be probing and wiggling about all up in your lady business.

Also, you may want to have a towel underneath you. And make sure to use the restroom before getting started!

It may be helpful to have a dildo or a specialized g-spot toy to use in addition to his fingers.

The goal here is to massage and stimulate the front wall of the vagina, which is the same general area as your g-spot. The para-urethral glands sit right behind here.

Have your partner insert his finger and use a “come here” motion to stimulate this area. It may begin to feel “rough” to his touch, that means the glands are becoming swollen with fluid.

As he continues, you will feel pressure begin to build. It may feel very similar to need to pee.

And that might cause you to freak out a little bit, but it’s okay. Relax into it and try to imagine letting it flow, or even concentrating on “pushing” it out.

 

Female Orgasm #4: The A-Spot Orgasm

The A-spot orgasm is one that not many people even know about, although you may have experienced it without even realizing it.

A-spot stands for the Anterior Fornix, this is the area very deep in the front of the vagina, pretty much cozied right up to your cervix.

Because of the depth, the area might be difficult to reach depending on your specific anatomy.

It’s best accessed either by penis or dildo/vibrator. A middle finger may also be long enough.

Some in the medical field have deemed this spot to be a “secondary g-spot” and others consider it an erogenous zone all on its own. No matter what you call it, an A-spot orgasm reportedly feels different than a clitoral or g-spot one.

It’s described as deeper and also has a quicker response to stimulation. Interestingly, the area does not become highly sensitive to most women right after orgasm…

Like for some of us, our clit or g-spot may become so incredibly sensitive immediately after orgasm to almost be painful or too much to handle. The A-spot, however, has less nerve endings. So it’s quite possible to continue stimulation and ride out another orgasm…or two…or three.

 

How to have an A-spot orgasm

To access the A-spot, there are two recommended positions. The first is you on top. Lean back slightly as to angle his penis toward the front part of your vagina. From there you can control the pressure and speed and where it feels the best.

The second is a modified missionary position where you tilt your hips slightly up, or put your legs or feet on his shoulders so that his penis is able to get deep, hitting that front spot.

And, if your partner has a unit that curves slightly downward, like a banana, he can stimulate your A-spot during doggie style. You may need to arch your back or tilt your booty up so he can reach it.

 

Female Orgasm #5: Vaginal Orgasm

Aside from the g-spot and a-spot orgasms, some women do have enough nerve endings in the other areas of their vagina that allow them to climax from penetration.

My guess is that it’s a combination of penis size/shape, or toy size/shape/vibration combined with the ability to relax mentally that allows a vaginal orgasm to happen.

Personally, I’ve had a general “vaginal” orgasm a few times. Usually it’s been in combination or G-spot and a-spot stimulation so I think by the time we’d reached the finish line, every nerve ending in my body was on high alert.

I probably could have climaxed from him stroking my elbow at that point.

If you haven’t had a vaginal orgasm, again, do not feel bad about that.

For some of us, it simply may never happen. And then, one day when you least expect it, you might be gifted one from the Orgasm Fairy.

Should you purposely TRY to have a vaginal orgasm?

Sure, you can try. But again, understand that it might not happen. Doesn’t mean you won’t enjoy trying, right? 🙂

I say just don’t stress about it. No matter which type of orgasm you have, it’s all good.

And I’ve had PLENTY of sexual experiences that were freaking incredible where an orgasm didn’t even take place.