If you finished going through Language of Desire, at the end I walked you through planning out how and when to introduce some of those techniques. Not that I think you should plan out your sex life, however, it is really easy to fall into patterns that turn into ruts when you don’t intentionally put in the effort to keep things fresh.
1. I want you to take a moment and list out the techniques you enjoy
This can be specific lessons from LoD and it can also just be certain experiences you’ve had in your relationship that you want to do again.
For example, my list would include:
- Lust Mirror
- Verbal Viagra
- sensual massage
- Invisible Chastity Belt
- hotel overnight
So grab your journal and write down your own list.
2. Next, I want you to take the information you got from your partner from the last lesson
Write down the fantasies you talked about, along with other ideas you have to surprise him with. Don’t worry about how you are going to make those fantasies come to life, just list them down for now.
Now that you have your list of fantasies to try out, take a minute to think through the logistics. Remember, if there are things your partner is interested in that cross a boundary for you, you can creatively bring the fantasy to life for him. Never underestimate the power of the imagination!
- If a threesome is on his list but you aren’t comfortable with it, you can watch a movie together that prominently features a threesome on screen.
- If he wants to have sex in public, you can role play in a different room of your home. Or create an Erotic Action Movie script that includes a risky public romp.
- If voyeurism is a thrill, use phone sex so he can “secretly” listen to you bring yourself to climax.
- If you want to experiment with BDSM, do a little shopping (online or in person) to gather up some props and accessories to try out.
3. Now, revisit your list of tried and true favorites
Can you think of ways you can tweak some of those activities to add in a new element of surprise? For example, I have hotel overnight on my list of favorites. Generally this has been a romantic way to reconnect for us. We enjoy relaxing over food and wine and the peace and quiet of a well-appointed room.
But a little twist that I can easily throw in is some role playing. Being in a long-term monogamous relationship, we both like to pretend at times we are someone else. The list of ideas we’ve come up with is fairly involved and any new persona is generally welcomed.
So with the hotel overnight, I can send my guy downstairs to the lounge alone, telling him I just need to finish up my hair and makeup. However, when I arrive to meet up with him, I’m no longer Felicity. I’m a lonely businesswoman from out of town. Maybe I even don a wig and glasses. Over a few glasses of wine, we flirt and then invite him up to my room for a sexy tryst.
I want you to go back through your list and make notes of some ways you can add in some spice to your favorites. You might even be able to match up elements of the to-be-tried fantasies with them.
4. The final step is to take a look at both lists and start planning
Look at the things you already know you enjoy along with the list of fantasies yet to be explored. Grab a calendar and start planning things out a bit.
What I want you to do is balance the activities you already enjoy with the new things to try out.
Your “exciting new technique” doesn’t have to be an elaborate plan, either. It can be as simple as sending him a totally explicit sexy text message out of the blue about what you want to do with him. And again, with your “tried and true technique,” make notes of ways you can add in some variety.
Days 1 to 7 (fill in dates)
Tried and True Technique:
Exciting New Technique:
Days 8 to 14 (fill in dates)
Tried and True Technique:
Exciting New Technique:
Days 15 to 21 (fill in dates)
Tried and True Technique:
Exciting New Technique:
Days 22 to 30 (fill in dates)
Tried and True Technique:
Exciting New Technique:
